I know that you’ll agree with me when I say that conflict is something that we cannot really get rid of while we’re living. As such, if we know how to handle these well, life would be a little less stressful not just to you but for other people too. For some time now, I have realized that prolonged conflicts do not only make you stressed, but tired even—both mentally and physically. I’ve experienced this for so long that I have personally developed my own list of principles that I use to resolve my conflicts. I hope that you take all this with a grain of sand but if it works for you, let me know.
Table of Contents
1. Always be respectful even during conflicts.
I have seen this happen many times—conflicts escalate into something big—and sometimes it silently creeps out from the root of relationships. I believe that whatever the reason for the argument is, if we remain respectful of each other during these times, all will be properly resolved. This can easily be done by setting boundaries and making sure that you adhere to these if conflicts do arise. Though there are moments when these limits are something that must be discussed between the person you are in conflict with—may it be your partner or a family member—especially if it pertains to language use or physical contact in any given situation. I believe that if you respect these boundaries and rules you will be able to handle your emotions better, even preventing you from going beyond how you should react to a conflict, which also avoids issues from becoming an irreversible fight. At the end point, even if both parties disagree on something, respect should always be present.
2. Don’t be a faultfinder or a critic.
Whenever a conflict arises, we should avoid being someone who corrects other people—don’t make unintentional remarks that you’ll regret once you have calmed down. Remember that words have the power to make or break things, so if we put our two cents on a particular conflict and it has been agreed upon by those who are in conflict with, more problem will arise. It may be that you want to some positive changes to their lives, but if you do it through this way, it will only make it worse—even going further as to destroying someone else’s trust in you.
The best remedy for this situation is to change your expression and language use. You must always think of what it feels like if you have switched places—that way when you feel like becoming a critic, you’ll be conscious and careful of what you will say. One important thing that I’ve learned as well is to not dwell on other people’s actions, and instead of using words that could sound commanding, choose your words that could convey personal feelings—especially about how a certain situation or conflict made you feel. I believe that only then understanding will come and fixes the conflict.
3. Active listening will always save you in any conflict.
Hearing and listening are two important things, and I know that you have been asked about the difference of these in the past. But by actively listening to what another person was saying makes a whole lot of difference than someone who does not even acknowledge or just simply let the words fly from one ear to another. Active listening, in this context, is crucial in resolving conflicts between you and other people. To practice active listening, I suggest that you first try to process or understand the situation, holding off any kind of criticism, especially when someone shares something to you. Stay calm and just listen to what they are saying, including what they are not saying—letting you empathize with what they have shared.
4. Focus on the now; do not dwell with the past.
For time-and-time again focusing on the present while a conflict is underway is the best way to deal with it. It’s not good to dig up past issues or conflicts as they could actually worsen the current issue, making it more complicated than it should be. More than this, digging up the past may actually open up unhealed emotions, which then affects the emotions of the people involved—either they lose control or hurt each other because of this.
In addition to this, all parties involved must also have this understanding and determination that they are talking so as to resolve the conflict, not make it worse. Believe me when I say that sometimes it’s just hard not to bring up the past, yet if a partner begins to open up old issues, the other partner must be the one to remind them that they are only dealing with current issues and that they should move on. It’s hard at first but this step is definitely worth it.
5. Ego has always been the culprit; learn to lower it and apologize.
When you are in a conflict with someone, there is a clear understanding that in the end there will be a winner and loser—but in reality it’s not about who wins or loses, it’s about who knows how to lower their ego and apologize. Easier said than done, true enough, but this makes wonders. As soon as the conflict ends, both parties must be ready to forgive each other in order make their peace. So, if you think that you’ve done something wrong, I think it’s best to admit it and be the one to apologize first—through this, you will allow yourself to be free from negative emotions and save you from drowning in the woes of your relationship. Admitting that you made a mistake goes a long way, although, you should not justify your point after saying that you’re sorry. Statements like “I’m sorry, but…” is definitely not the solution and could make it worse, making the other person feel bad.
6. We’re already done with the cold war, so don’t do it in your relationships.
While silence could sometimes be a solution (well to some cases), it should still be the case once a conflict is over. There are just those who works well with silence once the conflict is still brewing, but maintaining silence even after the conflict is over is bad; trust me for I’ve been there. You know if the conflict is not fully resolved, it just lives underneath you until the time someone brings this up and open this unhealed phase. Thus, once a conflict blows over, both parties must find their time to discuss what had happen in a calm manner to find the common ground and fully resolve the conflict at hand.
Telling you all these may seem easy but if I have practiced (and made mistakes) as to how I should learn more about conflict resolution. Ultimately, the key to conflict resolution is heavily reliant on how we control our emotions and use our language to express what we thought or feel whenever an issue arises. More than this, I’ve learned that as the conflicts get intense, the understanding between the parties involved should be more involved so as not to lose the value of their relationships, which could easily become one of your biggest regrets in the future.
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