Conflict can make you feel like the entire world is now shifted. For some, they might dismiss it in hopes of the conflict resolving itself. As such, if we know how to handle these well, life would be a little less stressful not just to you but for other people too.
Mastering conflict resolution in an effortless way can seem tricky – I’ve experienced this first-hand.
For some time now, I have realized that prolonged conflicts do not only make you stressed, but tired even—both mentally and physically. I’ve experienced this for so long that I have personally developed my own list of principles that I use to resolve my conflicts.
Remember that you’re not alone in feeling hopeless. According to Mental Health America, conflict is inevitable but there are solutions.
That is why I’ve decided to curate this article. Not only is it meant to help you, but help others to look back on how they could prevent conflicts from taking place.
I hope that you take all this with a grain of sand and learn more about yourself beyond simply mastering conflict resolution in an effortless way by the end of this article.
Let’s begin!
1. Always be respectful even during conflicts.
I have seen this happen many times—conflicts escalate into something big—and sometimes… it silently creeps out from the root of relationships.
I believe that whatever the reason for the argument is, if we remain respectful of each other during these times, all will be properly resolved. According to Creating Common Ground, this can easily be done by setting boundaries and making sure that you adhere to these if conflicts do arise.
Though there are moments when these limits are something that must be discussed between the person you are in conflict with—may it be your partner or a family member—especially if it pertains to language use or physical contact in any given situation.
I believe that if you respect these boundaries and rules you will be able to handle your emotions better, even preventing you from going beyond how you should react to a conflict, which also avoids issues from becoming an irreversible fight.
At the end of the day, even if both parties disagree on something, respect should always be present.
My biggest tip is to learn to agree to disagree if you can not see eye to eye. That is okay as well. My biggest tip has always been to remember that your partner is not you, therefore they cannot relate to you on every topic.
Our next stop in this article for Mastering Conflict Resolution in an Effortless Way is to be cautious about verbiage and tone. Let me explain.
2. Don’t be a faultfinder or a critic.
Whenever a conflict arises, we should avoid being someone who corrects other people—don’t make unintentional remarks that you’ll regret once you have calmed down.
Remember that words have the power to make or break things, so if we put our two cents on a particular conflict and it has been agreed upon by those who are in conflict with, more problem will arise. It may be that you want to some positive changes to their lives, but if you do it through this way, it will only make it worse—even going further as to destroying someone else’s trust in you.
The best remedy for this situation is to change your expression and language use.
You must always think of what it feels like if you have switched places—that way when you feel like becoming a critic, you’ll be conscious and careful of what you will say.
One important thing that I’ve learned as well is to not dwell on other people’s actions, and instead of using words that could sound commanding, choose your words that could convey personal feelings—especially about how a certain situation or conflict made you feel. I believe that only then understanding will come and fixes the conflict.
My own experience with this method is that it takes time and patience to perfect what you say and how you say it. I try to remember this method as impact versus intent which helps me to see the bigger picture from both sides.
On a similar note of learning to remember impact versus intent, the other key to mastering conflict resolution in an effortless way really boils down to how well both parties are actively listening to each other.
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3. Active listening will always save you in any conflict.
Hearing and listening are two important things, and I know that you have been asked about the difference of these in the past. But by actively listening to what another person was saying makes a whole lot of difference than someone who does not even acknowledge or just simply let the words fly from one ear to another.
Surprisingly, Harvard Business Law found that less than 2% of people worldwide has had proper education in listening effectively. Doesn’t that make you wonder what listening truly means, more specifically – how active listening can help you get closer to a resolution?
Active listening, in this context, is crucial in resolving conflicts between you and other people. To practice active listening, I suggest that you first try to process or understand the situation, holding off any kind of criticism, especially when someone shares something to you.
Stay calm and just listen to what they are saying, including what they are not saying—letting you empathize with what they have shared.
Tying this back to impact versus intent, you must understand this phrase because it saves me from conflict now that I understood it: The way you say something may not land on the other person with the intent you wished. That is intent versus impact.
Learn it. Repeat it in your head. Repeat it to yourself out-loud. And use it. See how life-changing it is.
Along with active listening and learning what intent versus impact is, let’s shift gears over to how to move forward. I know a lot of times during the midst of conflicts, you can’t help but to rewind what just happened and get trapped in the past.
4. Focus on the now; do not dwell with the past.
For time-and-time again focusing on the present while a conflict is underway is the best way to get closer to mastering conflict resolution in an effortless way.
According to Helpguide.org, conflicts can trigger strong emotions that can lead you to dig up hypotheticals. I know that I’m not the only one who’s fallen victim to this endless loop of ‘what if’s’.
It’s not good to dig up past issues or conflicts as they could actually worsen the current issue, making it more complicated than it should be. More than this, digging up the past may actually open up unhealed emotions, which then affects the emotions of the people involved—either they lose control or hurt each other because of this.
I realized early on into many relationships that fostering growth comes from looking at the future too, not just rewinding the past and what I wished I could have done differently. The best way to focus on the ‘now’ and not dwell in the past is to practice verbalizing what you want. I like do tell myself this in the mirror in the mornings and before bedtime.
In addition to this, all parties involved must also have this understanding and determination that they are talking so as to resolve the conflict, not make it worse.
Believe me when I say that sometimes it’s just hard not to bring up the past, yet if a partner begins to open up old issues, the other partner must be the one to remind them that they are only dealing with current issues and that they should move on. It’s hard at first but this step is definitely worth it.
For others during times of conflict, they might have trouble with seeing the bigger picture. Simply put– they have trouble with seeing the other person’s perspective. An ego can make it difficult for both parties to get closer to mastering conflict resolutions in an effortless way.
Let’s get into why that is, how to recognize it, and how to manage it.
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5. Ego has always been the culprit; learn to lower it and apologize.
When you are in a conflict with someone, there is a clear understanding that in the end there will be a winner and loser—but in reality it’s not about who wins or loses, it’s about who knows how to lower their ego and apologize.
Learning to center ways to prevent conflicts means learning how to move forward instead of unraveling a tight knot – such as pointing fingers – will help you get closer to mastering conflict resolution in an effortless way.
Easier said than done, true enough, but this makes wonders.
The best experience and tip I have to share: as soon as the conflict ends, both parties must be ready to forgive each other in order make their peace. So, if you think that you’ve done something wrong, I think it’s best to admit it and be the one to apologize first—through this, you will allow yourself to be free from negative emotions and save you from drowning in the woes of your relationship.
To make it more creative, my partner and I like to make up a rule when we get into conflict. If we are both huffy and puffy, we need to huge for two minutes straight. I know other couples’ mandatory part of getting over conflict include odd things, such as: pillow fighting, dancing together, and even baking or cooking together.
Whatever small trick to get both of you working together again, it will help both parties to realize that you can learn to calm down and regulate your emotions. An intense moment doesn’t have to feel like a lifetime.
Additionally, admitting that you made a mistake goes a long way, although, you should not justify your point after saying that you’re sorry. Statements like “I’m sorry, but…” is definitely not the solution and could make it worse, making the other person feel bad.
When it comes to mastering conflict resolution in an effortless way, any effort towards bettering yourself and your partner will require efforts on both sides. You may not be able to get over a conflict as smoothly as you want, but recognizing the patterns of what’s working and what doesn’t will help both parties get closer to understanding how to avoid future conflicts.
I can speak from experience when it comes to relationships that conflicts will always arise no matter what. The more we grow, the more we change as individuals and that’s okay.
My last tip for everyone is to recognize that stonewalling won’t get anything resolved, especially in times filled with tension. Let’s figure out why that is.
6. We’re already done with the cold war, so don’t do it in your relationships.
While silence could sometimes be a solution (well to some cases), it should still be the case once a conflict is over. There are just those who works well with silence once the conflict is still brewing, but maintaining silence even after the conflict is over is bad; trust me for I’ve been there.
You know if the conflict is not fully resolved, it lives underneath you until the time someone brings this up and open this unhealed phase. Thus, once a conflict blows over, both parties must find their time to discuss what had happen in a calm manner to find the common ground and fully resolve the conflict at hand.
Telling you all these may seem easy but if I have practiced (and made mistakes) as to how I should learn more about conflict resolution.
Ultimately, the key to conflict resolution is heavily reliant on how we control our emotions and use our language to express what we thought or feel whenever an issue arises. More than this, I’ve learned that as the conflicts get intense, the understanding between the parties involved should be more involved so as not to lose the value of their relationships, which could easily become one of your biggest regrets in the future.
If you’ve reached this point in the article, congratulations! We are now nearing the end of the secrets of Mastering Conflict Resolution in an Effortless Manner.
Let’s recap on everything we have learned thus far.
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Final Thoughts
The hard truth is, sometimes situations are out of our hands. The best way to navigate our own lives is to learn from past conflicts and keep them in the past. That way, when it comes to moving forward, we do not repeat the same mistakes.
From my many years of living, what I’ve always found to help me prepare for conflict was to really be willing to be patient and listen to the other person’s side – even if you don’t agree with them. You would want them to do the same, right?”
It’s also rarely ever about who’s right or wrong. At the end of the day, it’s about analyzing what happened and how both parties can avoid that miscommunication again.
These types of arguments don’t challenge your relationship per say, but tgey are necessary in-order for growth to happen.
Finally, if you have found any solace or comfort in the techniques that I’ve shared in this article – Mastering Conflict Resolution in an Effortless Way – comment down below. I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences.
Who knows – maybe someone out there may relate to your situation or can act as a guiding hand.
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